Imagine stabbing a friend in a fit of anger. As the knife blade sinks into his chest, your friend gasps in astonishment. Bewildered, his face contorts in excruciating pain. Losing blood and succumbing to shock, he collapses. Fortunately, an ambulance soon arrives and rushes your friend to the hospital. Although he recovers, his chest is marred for life by an ugly scar. Hard to imagine you would do that, isn't it? And if you did, I am sure after realizing the harm you have done, you would never repeat such an act. Yet, many of us, almost daily, stab the people we know. We use invisible knives that do not draw blood. The weapon of choice is LOSHON HORA. (Speaking against others). "You shall not go about as a talebearer among people." (Vayikra 19:16) ***NOTE: This kind of evil not only hurts others, but IT CREATES IN US A SICKNESS OF MIND AND BODY. It weakens our moral essence and damages our life-force. Why is speaking LOSHON HORA considered so damaging? Because the harm we do is just as vile as that produced by a real knife. LOSHON HORA wrecks havoc on others' self-esteem and creates hostility, fear and despair. The great scholar, healer and Rabbi, Maimomides wrote that a supernatural kind of disease is sometimes sent to warn someone to refrain from speaking LOSHON HORA. Yet, if we work to eliminate our tendency to talk about others, we may be able to effect Tikkun HaNefesh (repair of our soul) and perhaps our minds and bodies. How can I stop speaking "LOSHON HORA? The next time you feel like wounding someone with caustic words, pause for a moment, and in your imagination, make your knife visible. Once you realize the harm you are about to do, I'm sure you will stop. Sometimes the harm we inflict is so subtle, we are unaware of it. What to Do when LOSHON HORA is spoken against you? Here are some tips. Use the LOSHON HORA as a learning experience. That is, REMEMBER THE PAIN you feel, and vow not to do the same to others. REMEMBER,THEY ARE USING INVISIBLE WEAPONS, so are unaware of the pain they are causing. Forgive them! REMEMBER THEIR PAIN. What do I mean by that? When people are mean, it doesn't necessarily imply that they hate you personally. It's more likely because they are miserable inside themselves. Try to remember that most of the time when people talk about you or get after you, it isn't you they are talking about but something inside themselves you may not know about. "Perhaps some other person has been mean to them, or something they hoped for didn't come true, or they did something they are ashamed even to think of, so they talk about others just to keep their minds off it." EVALUATE THE LOSHON HORA. Although the criticism is probably not objective, there still may be some truth to what they say. Try to use this as an opportunity to grow. Remember, we are all imperfect and others may see our flaws more clearly. Learn from them whenever you can, but don't return the favor by criticizing others! Final Thoughts. Here's a valuable point made by Judge Harold Medina:, "Criticizing others is a dangerous thing, not so much because you may make mistakes about them, but because you may be revealing the truth about yourself." Samuel Johnson said: "God Himself, sir, does not propose to judge a man until his life is over. Why should you and I? Be patient with the faults of others; they have to be patient with yours."
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